Marching through the month of May

I visited my home in North Carolina this past weekend and had a wonderful time. I got to spend time with my family, see my best friend's wedding dress, play around with the animals, went to the doctor to set up surgery.... That's right guys, SURGERY! As of right now, my surgery date is May 28th. I am finally going to have my knee fixed, and nothing could excite me more right now. I have a choice between a piece of my patellar tendon and bone plugs, or and all-inside which uses the Achilles tendon from a cadaver (I think). Over the next few weeks, I'll be waiting on calls from my insurance company and the doctor to set up my pre-op and all that jazz. It's really happening guys! Plus, that's only one of the many exciting things going on in this great month of May. My roommate Candace celebrated her birthday on the 2nd, my great-grandmother's birthday is the 12th, my best friend's bachelorette party and wedding shower fall on the weekend of the 15th through the 18th, her wedding rehearsal and wedding day (man, how old am I now?!) fall on the 23rd and the 24th, then surgery the 28th. Busy, right?! This is how most of my months go, so I'm pretty used to it by now. My only problem is the five hour drive to get home, then the returning five hour drive to my apartment. Driving ten hours in a span of three days, with work on the days I leave and come back, plus work in between trips, is no joke. If anyone would like to donate to my caffeine/nicotine/keepmeawakeotine jar, just let me know. Your donation will not go unnoticed. But seriously....

Besides all that craziness, while I was home I thought about a lot of things that are going on in my life. I realized something that I barely thought of before, and it makes me wonder how different life would be if I had stayed on that path. What if I had never stopped taking riding lessons? What if I had continued on, learning more and more about training and stable business instead of going to school? These thoughts came on after I finished reading an AMAZING book (I finished three in two days guys. I have a problem.) called Flying Changes, written by Sara Gruen. I have always loved horses. I started riding at the age of six, and I have thoroughly enjoyed it ever since. I rode at one stable up until I turned eleven, then the barn was sold off. A year or two after that, my mom found another stable for me to keep taking lessons and learning. My sisters joined me then, and it was going well. I started learning how to train and work with young horses, and almost began barrel racing lessons. Unfortunately, we had to stop attending that barn, and went to riding our horses at home in our fields. I wish I could have learned more, and I wish I could have continued down that path in my life. But, I guess God had better plans, which is why I'll be finishing up college next year with a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Maybe after this I can go back to horse life and doing more with it. I sure hope so anyway. I did ride for a very short amount of time while I was home recently, but I'm not really supposed to. So, I am just waiting to see what comes next. After this month ends.

Spring Semester has ended!

Guys, classes are over. Finals start today. I am so extremely happy, you have no idea just how relieved I am. Over the past four months, I have found out more about myself than I could have ever dreamed. I have also change paths in my life, which means my college major has changed and my life is changing for the better. That's a lot of changing y'all. No, I will not switch that sentence up that says the 'c' word multiple times. It's a huge step for me, especially since I have struggled for the last year and a half due to multiple reasons. Those reasons include family matters, physical hurt, emotional hurt, becoming an independent adult and figuring out what I wanted for myself. I have grown up, that's mainly all there is to it. Maybe some other day I'll take the time to explain everything to you, but today is not that today. Also, with summer starting, I have a plan to blog once a week (Yes, I know I promised this before, but seriously, I'm 22 years old. Life happens.) so you will have more to read.

I have decided that instead of pursuing English and becoming a teacher, I want to study Psychology. This is a broad major, I could do almost anything in this field and have a wonderful job. To be honest, as long as I have a job that makes me happy and pays my bills, I am perfectly okay with whatever comes my way. I will take whatever God puts in my path. I just had to decide between the thing that was stressing me out and making me miserable and something that could give me joy and purpose. I needed this. I was a wreck guys. I cried, I drowned my sorrows, I worried my friends and roommates to no end. Without the support system that I have right now, I probably would have just sank and quit. Fortunately, I have roommates, teammates, neighbors, and many other important people that encouraged me to find something that I was happy with. I owe them everything, and I thank them almost everyday for being there.

I am getting my knee fixed in a month! Finally, I will be on my way to recovery and being able to play the sport I have fallen in love with. I have been camera girl/film girl all last season, and while I did enjoy supporting my ladies, I felt utterly useless. I am so pumped that I could possibly play with my team again. I'm just more excited to not be in pain 24/7. I am looking forward to getting out of bed and not having my bones pinch and rub, and not having to take pain meds multiple times a day. It's a light at the end of my pitch dark tunnel.
This is it for now, especially since I still haven't packed for my trip home. I'm actually leaving at 5:00 PM today, after I work, so I am super behind.
Night y'all.

Pain hurts. No really, it does

  It's raining cats and dogs right now, at 2:10 in the morning, and I am awake on the bean bag chair downstairs. This is the best sleeping weather! Why can't I go to sleep? Well, it's probably because my right leg is KILLING me. It's been hurting for a while now, and by that I mean a few months (I don't particularly like doctors, nor do my parents). It has steadily gotten worse, and today it has been so tight that it hurts to walk. It's my hamstrings/Achilles/whatever it is that is on the back of my ankle, so yea... I'm so over pain guys. It sucks. If it was my left leg I would have no problem. That side of me is screwed all to heck anyway, it wouldn't matter to add on just a little more pain. But no, it HAS to be my UNHURT leg, the one I rely on. UGH. Alright, sorry about that. My rant is over now. 

   

   Great news!! My team had our first spring rugby game yesterday against Life University, and won 46-27. How awesome is that?! I am so proud of my team, and I am excited to see how this season will go. I wish I was back on the field with them, and I'm praying that will happen before it gets too late. School is okay, it still makes me want to run and hide most of the time but I think it will be better this semester. Oh, fun fact I learned with all the snow and cold weather we got this week: binders freeze. When you open them after they have been in a freezing car, they burst. No joke. Work is a pain, but hey it pays my bills. That's mainly it I believe. I just thought about posting to get my mind off of the annoying things my body keeps doing to me. Okay, well I guess I'm going to finish up some homework and catch up on my shows until the sun comes back up. Enjoy your sleep my friends, and I hope you enjoy this post. Nighty-night. 

Life keeps catching me

I realized I wanted to try and keep up with this, every week, and life just keeps getting in the way. There's barely any time to do anything, and it is only my 6th day of classes. So, to try and keep up with my blog, my homework, my job, and my SANITY, I had decided to start writing poetry again. I'm an English major, and literature is written on my heart. I enjoy journaling, reading, and writing, but I have always adored poetry. No, not many people know this, so I'm kind of baring my soul here. I am going to post (try to, at least) one poem a week, maybe more. I will also keep writing posts along with the poems. Now my posts will most likely be done late at night, since that's my only (well, sort of only) free time I have right now. So, without further ado, here is one I wrote during class yesterday.

Home
Home is where your heart is
That's what I have heard said
But how do you go home
When you've slept in different beds?

Three, or more, in North Carolina
One, only one, in Tennessee
Family in one, friends at the other
How can I decide where I want to be?

I ache for simple and small at college
Once I'm there, I pine for more
Oh heart, be still! Choose only one!
This aching has turned me sore

I tend to run and hide myself
I dare not trust a soul
My roommates are concerned, I guess
But my silence takes a toll

We each have our own struggles
Of that I know too well
But how do we help each other
When each is is in their own personal hell?

Well, I need to finish up some reading and a synopsis for my English courses tomorrow. Luckily, my coworker took my shift for me, so I will finally get some chores and other things done. I will write again soon. Sleep well, my friends.

New Year, New Life

I know, I know, the whole New Year's Resolution list is a little overrated. But, I do have a couple things that I definitely want to accomplish this year, and I would like to share them to the world.
In 2014, I would like to:
1. Be me. Not hiding anything, just putting myself out there as myself, with no mask.
2. Get back into shape, like I was when I started 2013. So what if my knee royally screwed up? I'll just work around it. Somehow....
3. Fix my priorities.
4. Do Not Get Overwhelmed. That happens too often. Breathe.
5. Focus on getting out of school. I'm sick of it, and I really need to get out. With a degree.
6. Keep up with this blog, once a week. Every week.
Right now, that's really all I can think of. I'll come up with more after I post this, because my brain always lets me know later that I actually do have great ideas. Right now, my brain is kind of dead, because I didn't have to work and I have been cleaning and cooking for most of the day, besides when I turned on Netflix and drowned out life for a while.
Now I need to go clean up my cooking mess. I made Lasagna Rolls for dinner (they were super delicious) and I should probably do the dishes before my roommates have to yell at me. I should also finish cleaning my room so I can sleep in my own bed instead of crashing on the couch, which I am ashamed to say I do, a lot.