Last week of college!

I am so pumped that the last week of school is here. I have been fighting and struggling this whole semester just to keep my head above water, so finals being here is a HUGE relief. I may not be getting a whole lot of sleep, but I do not care. I am ready for summer and to be home for a little while. I may have to wait another month in order to go home, but that's ok. I'm just ready to be done with school for a little while. It has drained every ounce of my being.
I took my math exam today, and my professor helped me out so much. He has earned a ton of respect from me, and I am so grateful to have him teach me. He gave me a chance that no other professor would have, and I am working my tail off trying to repay him. These past few months have just been rough, and I lost my motivation to do anything. It's been hard, but thank God for the professors I have and the University I go to. I have three more exams to go before I am done with my Junior year. I am still playing catch up and doing work that I need to get done. I have hit the bottom, and just recently I gained the energy to fight my way out.
We had our rugby end-of-the-year social yesterday. We said farewell to our senior players and I shed a few tears. This team has become my family, and Lord knows I needed it. They have been there for me through a lot of crap this year, and I love them like my own sisters. They have pushed me to do better in school and in my life, and I am so thankful. I will miss a couple seniors in particular, since I am housemates with one of them. I really don't know what I am going to do when she goes back home. We have had some great times together and done some crazy things. I just can't believe I'll be graduating from here before too long, and I will lose it. Nope, not going to even think about it.
Sorry for this being so long, I just have had a lot on my plate as of late. Take that back, I've had a lot on my plate for a while, but now I know how to prepare myself so that this does NOT happen again. It's like the song from the 90's that I always loved by the band Chumbawamba called "Tubthumping", or most people know it as "I Get Knocked Down." "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down." No, never.

IHOP is the best study place

If you haven't figured that out yet, take my word on this. The one near my college loves us. They try out new recipes on us, have a ton of extension cords that they pull out for us to use, and have free wifi. Plus, it's IHOP. Never ending pancakes and coffee anyone? That right there gets me every time. They just leave you alone to study or whatever, then refill you whenever you're running low on food or drink. It's like manna from heaven. I'm here tonight to finish up some last minute work I've been putting off, as well as some overdue work that I am still trying to finish up. This semester has hacked my GPA to pieces, and I regret a lot of things. Life was just going way too fast, like an amusement park ride that has gone off the tracks. I had stuff back home I was involved in, the spring is rugby matrix season so I had away and home games almost every weekend, plus I signed up to go on my cross cultural trip this May and it requires that I take two classes on top of my other hours. I also have an injured knee that put me on crutches for a few days and now I am pretty sure that I have to get surgery to correct it. It was hard for me to get to class, and I was given pain meds that made me act wacky. I've been worrying and stressing this whole semester, and now I'm just done. I have nothing more to give, and I really just want to go home. I need my family and their support. I miss them and my friends dearly, and I am going to bawl my eyes out when I figure out just how far away my best friends will be once they move. We were the three amigos, and I don't know how I'm going to survive with them in another state. But, such is life. We grow up, we go our separate ways, and we meet when we can. I'm not sure if I like being an adult anymore...

Closing in on Finals

What a wonderfully stormy day it is here in Cleveland. It's the last week of school before finals start, and I am FREAKING OUT. I am an avid procrastinator, and those weeks I kept telling myself I had to make up work are not there anymore. Anyone want to pitch in and help? Just kidding, I'll get it done. I just won't sleep the rest of this week and I'll be in the clear. I swear, college is going to be the death of me. It's either that or rugby, and college is definitely winning that race. I have been dealing with a lot of things this semester and I am struggling in every class. I hardly ever struggle through class, so this semester is definitely my "freak out" freebie that I get every four years. That's what I'm telling myself at least.
In other news, I did get my ACL repair surgery set up yesterday and I will be all fixed (sort of) in June. I can go to Alaska with my cross cultural group, and I'm not sure if I should celebrate or cry. Alaska has been my main stress factor this semester, and everything in me has no desire to go anymore. I know I will love it when I get there (I hope) but right now I just want to tell my professor to leave without me. Oh well, I should have prepared more, and did better research on what trip I wanted to go on. Everything in me is ready for summer and relaxing. Unfortunately, being a junior in college means you get no breaks until after you graduate. I am trying so hard to get there, but I need a break. Anybody want to run away to NC Coast or Florida for a few days?

Rugby. That is all.

I am currently on a bus heading back to Tennessee from Maryland. I play rugby for the university I go to, and we made it to the Sweet Sixteen round of nationals. It has been a wonderful and bittersweet weekend. We lost to a team that was ranked 3 in the nation for DII by only ONE TRY. We then played another team today and won 41-10. That will rank us around 9 in DII. Unfortunately, I couldn't play with my teammates because of my injury, but I did take some awesome pictures and cheered them on the whole way through. They played the best rugby I've ever seen them play, and it warmed my heart to see them do so well. These girls mean so much to me. They have become my second family. I don't know what I would do sometimes if I didn't have them to talk to or hang out with. They have been there with me through some tough stuff, and I appreciate their support. I am proud to be a part of such a great team. We play hard, clean rugby, and I'm glad that we can make friends with the teams we have played against.
Most of my teammates are napping right now, which I will probably join them after I post this. A ten hour bus ride back means I will be napping, editing the game pictures, and finishing some homework. I can't wait for this semester to end, but then again I'm so scared for summer. There's a lot of changes that I am anxious about, and I am struggling with some things. I'm just hoping it goes by fast, that way I can get back to school and get my degree on time. I really hope that happens.

Going to a Christian college

It definitely has its perks, like chapel services twice a week. Sure, they take an hour out of your schedule every Tuesday and Thursday, but it is worth it most of the time. Unfortunately, chapel time is the best part of the day to have a class, but you get used to it. It also means that random people will come up and want to pray with you, which is awesome. Unfortunately, it is still a college where the workload is horrendous and that chapel hour turns into study time during worship. Right now, I'm up reading a chapter for History and taking notes on it for a quiz I have in the morning. I also just realized that I have none of my paperwork to go to Alaska on hand and I have an assignment due that I haven't even tried to start. Oh cross cultural trip, how I hate thee. You have made my life miserable this semester, and it is costing me in all my other classes. I honestly wish with all my heart that I could take back signing up for you, and deciding to take two classes to count for this trip. I despise you with every fiber of my being, and yet I know I'll be ok once I actually get to go on the trip. I just wish my smart self would have waited. Plus, I don't even know how I can walk around up there and through the airports with my wonderfully screwed up knee (tore my ACL a couple weeks ago, have to get corrective surgery this summer). I should talk to the professor about it, but I also need to talk to my other four professors also. Can it just be summer already so I can sleep for a week straight? Sorry guys, tonight seems to be rant night. I'll make it up to you later.

Back to blogging

I haven't had a blog in years, and I decided that I should pick it back up again. Of course, I did decide to do this while procrastinating, so I'm not sure if I made a good executive decision. Writing, or typing in this case, is my outlet. I must express myself through this medium in order to stay sane. Unfortunately, being in college does not exactly give you the time to do that, but I'm trying to make it work. I am hoping one day this world will slow back down and give me some time to stand up again and think. Sadly, I am losing hope that said day will ever come. This is why I decided to christen this new blog with the name "Stop this Train", taken from one of my favorite songs recorded by John Mayer. It speaks on how this train is going way too fast, that he "Can't take the speed it's moving in." Right now, neither can I. This life train is throwing me for a loop, and as much as Mr. Mayer and I "Wanna get off and go home again", I'm afraid there's no turning back now. I'm waiting, in this crazy world of mine, to see how I'm going to make it out of this alive.