Alaska, Days 1-3

At the university I attend, we are required to take a cross-cultural trip before we can graduate. They offer trips that are in your major, since we have to take classes while on these trips. I am an Education/English major, so the only one I could find at the time was Alaska. I signed up, paid my hefty deposit, and started classes for the trip. Little did I know how stressful and crazy this would end up being. 

We left at 5:00 am on a bus headed for Atlanta, since that is the main hub to fly anywhere. On our way, we ran into traffic that had been stalled for over an hour. Our leader jumped out of the van and asked a driver next to us. A tractor trailer had overturned and they were trying to clean it up, so our driver decided to go the other way. He found a drive between the north and south-bound lanes, and he turned. We heard something grind and bump, but figured it was just the tire. A little way down the road, the engine started to run hot. We pulled into a service station and he filled it with water. The driver got us back onto the highway and continued down the road. Within 5 minutes, the engine had overheated again. This time, it was starting to burn the hood. We pulled into another station, and when they lifted the hood, the underside was black. The radiator was steaming, and when they tried to put water in it just shot back out. They put as much as they could in, and we continued to the highway. By this time, all of us on the bus were pitching a fit. Why in the world would they continue to drive a bus that could blow at any time? We were scared, and wanted off ASAP. Our driver made it onto the highway, but within a mile of getting on our bus died and we had to pull on the shoulder. They called for backup, and we had to sit there for 2 hours and wait. We had many people come by and offer to take us to the airport, which was only 30 minutes away, but our driver and leader refused. Crazy right?? There was even a guy who owned/worked at a Cadillac dealership that wanted to send a fleet of Escalades to take us. He did bring one, and took us to McDonald's to eat, but brought us back to the bus. Finally, our back up arrived. It was one of the best buses our university had, and it was awesome. We made it to the airport, but we had missed our flight. This meant that the airline canceled every flight we had scheduled, which we have quite a few. We sat in the airport lobby for at least 2 hours trying to figure out everything. Finally, our leader found a flight that left at 5 pm, but could only take around 15 passengers. Nine of us had to stay behind and leave the next day on another 9 am flight. 

My comrades and I were then bussed back to the University to start all over the next day. Luckily, I was able to stay at a friend's house again and got a little bit of rest. The next day, we were on planes for around 12 hours total, with short connection times in between. Our group finally made it to the town we were supposed to stay in, and we've been here since. We leave out of here on Thursday to fly back to Anchorage, where we will stay one night and then fly to another town. 

Yesterday we walked around town to eat and sightsee, which was fun. Unfortunately, there are inches of snow and ice everywhere, which means I really should not be walking around. Clumsy me managed to slip and fall on the ice on the sidewalk and had to be helped up. We had to walk at least 2 miles through town, and my knee is absolutely throbbing today. I knew better than to come up here like this, but I already paid my money to come. I was left behind today while everyone else went out to look around. I hate being injured, I feel so weak and helpless. At least now I can get caught up on homework and my blog. 

I believe my train has crashed....

Today, to be honest, I feel like curling up in a ball in a corner somewhere and hiding for a while. I swear, I don't think I will make it out of college alive, and I'm on my (hopefully) last year. I just want to go home to the fields of green grass, round bales everywhere, my horses and dog, my family and old friends, and just RELAX. All this stress has taken way too much of a toll on my body. I need my small hometown life back, along with my accent which seems to have been diluted since leaving home.  There are a lot of things I wish I could take back, things I should have done differently or acted differently, but I cannot. There are now things I have to do over and things I need to start and finish by this weekend. Can I do it? Honestly, I have no idea. Today, in order to survive, I am throwing whatever is holding me back aside and crawling forward. Think positive, happy thoughts and smile while I enjoy my Chamomile Calm Tazo Tea in the back secluded corner of Starbucks. I must take my own advice. Oh, How much easier it is to help people get through their problems than it is to figure out my own! I must bite my own bullet. Ok, I'm done with all this self-talk. 

I met a new professor today that lectured in my 8-hr class who immediately knew what I was going to school for. He asked the class who all was going to teach K-6 grades, and I excitedly shook my head no while whispering to my neighbor, "No way, not me." He saw me, and said "No? Let me guess, you want to teach twelfth grade, maybe college English right?" I just stared at him, with my mouth gaped open, and nodded a yes. Wow, this guy is good. Then, he asked if anyone was thinking of coaching later on during their career. Of course my friend and I raised our hands. He looked at me and was like," Ok. Softball right?" Did I mention how awesome this prof was?! I mean, I really would like to get rugby started up back home, but I also love softball. He just read me like an open book. It was later that I realized I wore my glasses instead of contacts to class, and I've always been told I look like a teacher/librarian when I wear them, so that was probably what gave me away. Typical, natural blonde me. 

That's all for today! I'm pretty sure I am forgetting to say something, but it can wait. 

Last week of college!

I am so pumped that the last week of school is here. I have been fighting and struggling this whole semester just to keep my head above water, so finals being here is a HUGE relief. I may not be getting a whole lot of sleep, but I do not care. I am ready for summer and to be home for a little while. I may have to wait another month in order to go home, but that's ok. I'm just ready to be done with school for a little while. It has drained every ounce of my being.
I took my math exam today, and my professor helped me out so much. He has earned a ton of respect from me, and I am so grateful to have him teach me. He gave me a chance that no other professor would have, and I am working my tail off trying to repay him. These past few months have just been rough, and I lost my motivation to do anything. It's been hard, but thank God for the professors I have and the University I go to. I have three more exams to go before I am done with my Junior year. I am still playing catch up and doing work that I need to get done. I have hit the bottom, and just recently I gained the energy to fight my way out.
We had our rugby end-of-the-year social yesterday. We said farewell to our senior players and I shed a few tears. This team has become my family, and Lord knows I needed it. They have been there for me through a lot of crap this year, and I love them like my own sisters. They have pushed me to do better in school and in my life, and I am so thankful. I will miss a couple seniors in particular, since I am housemates with one of them. I really don't know what I am going to do when she goes back home. We have had some great times together and done some crazy things. I just can't believe I'll be graduating from here before too long, and I will lose it. Nope, not going to even think about it.
Sorry for this being so long, I just have had a lot on my plate as of late. Take that back, I've had a lot on my plate for a while, but now I know how to prepare myself so that this does NOT happen again. It's like the song from the 90's that I always loved by the band Chumbawamba called "Tubthumping", or most people know it as "I Get Knocked Down." "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never gonna keep me down." No, never.

IHOP is the best study place

If you haven't figured that out yet, take my word on this. The one near my college loves us. They try out new recipes on us, have a ton of extension cords that they pull out for us to use, and have free wifi. Plus, it's IHOP. Never ending pancakes and coffee anyone? That right there gets me every time. They just leave you alone to study or whatever, then refill you whenever you're running low on food or drink. It's like manna from heaven. I'm here tonight to finish up some last minute work I've been putting off, as well as some overdue work that I am still trying to finish up. This semester has hacked my GPA to pieces, and I regret a lot of things. Life was just going way too fast, like an amusement park ride that has gone off the tracks. I had stuff back home I was involved in, the spring is rugby matrix season so I had away and home games almost every weekend, plus I signed up to go on my cross cultural trip this May and it requires that I take two classes on top of my other hours. I also have an injured knee that put me on crutches for a few days and now I am pretty sure that I have to get surgery to correct it. It was hard for me to get to class, and I was given pain meds that made me act wacky. I've been worrying and stressing this whole semester, and now I'm just done. I have nothing more to give, and I really just want to go home. I need my family and their support. I miss them and my friends dearly, and I am going to bawl my eyes out when I figure out just how far away my best friends will be once they move. We were the three amigos, and I don't know how I'm going to survive with them in another state. But, such is life. We grow up, we go our separate ways, and we meet when we can. I'm not sure if I like being an adult anymore...

Closing in on Finals

What a wonderfully stormy day it is here in Cleveland. It's the last week of school before finals start, and I am FREAKING OUT. I am an avid procrastinator, and those weeks I kept telling myself I had to make up work are not there anymore. Anyone want to pitch in and help? Just kidding, I'll get it done. I just won't sleep the rest of this week and I'll be in the clear. I swear, college is going to be the death of me. It's either that or rugby, and college is definitely winning that race. I have been dealing with a lot of things this semester and I am struggling in every class. I hardly ever struggle through class, so this semester is definitely my "freak out" freebie that I get every four years. That's what I'm telling myself at least.
In other news, I did get my ACL repair surgery set up yesterday and I will be all fixed (sort of) in June. I can go to Alaska with my cross cultural group, and I'm not sure if I should celebrate or cry. Alaska has been my main stress factor this semester, and everything in me has no desire to go anymore. I know I will love it when I get there (I hope) but right now I just want to tell my professor to leave without me. Oh well, I should have prepared more, and did better research on what trip I wanted to go on. Everything in me is ready for summer and relaxing. Unfortunately, being a junior in college means you get no breaks until after you graduate. I am trying so hard to get there, but I need a break. Anybody want to run away to NC Coast or Florida for a few days?

Rugby. That is all.

I am currently on a bus heading back to Tennessee from Maryland. I play rugby for the university I go to, and we made it to the Sweet Sixteen round of nationals. It has been a wonderful and bittersweet weekend. We lost to a team that was ranked 3 in the nation for DII by only ONE TRY. We then played another team today and won 41-10. That will rank us around 9 in DII. Unfortunately, I couldn't play with my teammates because of my injury, but I did take some awesome pictures and cheered them on the whole way through. They played the best rugby I've ever seen them play, and it warmed my heart to see them do so well. These girls mean so much to me. They have become my second family. I don't know what I would do sometimes if I didn't have them to talk to or hang out with. They have been there with me through some tough stuff, and I appreciate their support. I am proud to be a part of such a great team. We play hard, clean rugby, and I'm glad that we can make friends with the teams we have played against.
Most of my teammates are napping right now, which I will probably join them after I post this. A ten hour bus ride back means I will be napping, editing the game pictures, and finishing some homework. I can't wait for this semester to end, but then again I'm so scared for summer. There's a lot of changes that I am anxious about, and I am struggling with some things. I'm just hoping it goes by fast, that way I can get back to school and get my degree on time. I really hope that happens.

Going to a Christian college

It definitely has its perks, like chapel services twice a week. Sure, they take an hour out of your schedule every Tuesday and Thursday, but it is worth it most of the time. Unfortunately, chapel time is the best part of the day to have a class, but you get used to it. It also means that random people will come up and want to pray with you, which is awesome. Unfortunately, it is still a college where the workload is horrendous and that chapel hour turns into study time during worship. Right now, I'm up reading a chapter for History and taking notes on it for a quiz I have in the morning. I also just realized that I have none of my paperwork to go to Alaska on hand and I have an assignment due that I haven't even tried to start. Oh cross cultural trip, how I hate thee. You have made my life miserable this semester, and it is costing me in all my other classes. I honestly wish with all my heart that I could take back signing up for you, and deciding to take two classes to count for this trip. I despise you with every fiber of my being, and yet I know I'll be ok once I actually get to go on the trip. I just wish my smart self would have waited. Plus, I don't even know how I can walk around up there and through the airports with my wonderfully screwed up knee (tore my ACL a couple weeks ago, have to get corrective surgery this summer). I should talk to the professor about it, but I also need to talk to my other four professors also. Can it just be summer already so I can sleep for a week straight? Sorry guys, tonight seems to be rant night. I'll make it up to you later.

Back to blogging

I haven't had a blog in years, and I decided that I should pick it back up again. Of course, I did decide to do this while procrastinating, so I'm not sure if I made a good executive decision. Writing, or typing in this case, is my outlet. I must express myself through this medium in order to stay sane. Unfortunately, being in college does not exactly give you the time to do that, but I'm trying to make it work. I am hoping one day this world will slow back down and give me some time to stand up again and think. Sadly, I am losing hope that said day will ever come. This is why I decided to christen this new blog with the name "Stop this Train", taken from one of my favorite songs recorded by John Mayer. It speaks on how this train is going way too fast, that he "Can't take the speed it's moving in." Right now, neither can I. This life train is throwing me for a loop, and as much as Mr. Mayer and I "Wanna get off and go home again", I'm afraid there's no turning back now. I'm waiting, in this crazy world of mine, to see how I'm going to make it out of this alive.